Sunday, January 22, 2006

my wedding musiclist

my wedding musiclist: "Well guys, I get married in 2008, and well...we gotta have the jams out!!"

Monday, December 19, 2005

43 Things

Well, I made a list of 43 things I want to do before I die. Do you have anything that you want to do?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I am in lust

I am in lust

Well, I have a friend named Anais. I have a crush on her. She origionally is from New York, but she is in Wyoming for work. I know her day hasn't been so great, so I wanted to let her know that I was thinking of her and that life isn't so bad.

Anais, you are a beautiful woman. I know you have alot of work on your plate, but remember..I wuv you and stuff!!

Also...Your day could be alot worse..

case in point:

my cat...she was given a bath today.

btw...stephen lynch is insane..i love him..

Friday, November 18, 2005

Don't make me come to vegas

I still love certain christian muscians. Chris Rice is one of them. Why? Because unlike every single similarly pacakaged person...he seems real.
I remember when I was younger, that I wanted to marry him. Not because he seemed cute, but just because he seemed so real. His faith seemed so beautiful when in comparison to mine. My mangled, ugly faith.
I would beat myself up up daily for not matching up to everyone else's faith. It seemed so steady and true, while mine was broken...fucked up..
Busted even.
God I hated myself then.
Still do now. I at moments long to be as innocent as I was before. But then it would require me to not only lie to myself, but to stop..and go backwards.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Jesus is not always the answer

As you know,my life has become a large bowl of has just informed me that she can't pay rent. That is what i get for thinking that I could depend on I have a past due note on my apartment...I got classes...not many..but it is hard for me..esp since i just got backI only have 40 dollars to my name.....and I am FUCKING TIRED OF ASKING FOR HANDOUTS I am going to cry again...dammit

Thursday, November 03, 2005


help out a friend!!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005


Dear fucking god, why has my body turned against me? It's bad enough I have precancerous cells on my uterus,a disorder that makes me see/hear things..then try and plan the death of bush, now I have an upper respirtory tract infection. What does that mean? There is a virus in my fucking throat and chest. Where did I get it from? Um, I have no clue. And that is why I am pissed.
I can't sleep because I will either wake up coughing or with a cat permantly attached to my face because I either coughed or snored too loud.
But, yesturday was funny as teh fuck. I went as a ghetto woman, or as I told Autum, a bruise( I was wearing black and blue). She of course was like "that is just wrong", mostly because she went as enforcment..hehe.
Nico looked hella hot. Poor thing had this look like "I cannot believe I actually did this..ack..I miss my jeans"
Ashley went as the crow. It was funny b/c even though she had scary make-up, some guy named ox was staring at her tits and ass. Yes, she has a nice rack and butt, but DEAR GOD....don't stare at it that much!! someone might think you have issues...or worse..haven't been laid in ages.
Me and Devin played the "would you fuck that" game. It became more of a "let's see how hard monica can laugh and not burst her spleen". He kept picking guts that looked like runners up for jesus..*shivers*
but there was this guy, dressed normally...and I wanted to just walk up to him and go "I would gladly band your brains out" Buuuuuuut as we all know, I don't get noticed by my own "kind". We even talked about that alittle. I made the comment about what I was supposed to be, and red-head was like "But monica, you are SO white" "I are WHITE", and had a little smirk. I know he was goofing with me, but was telling the truth. Well, that was what I thought..but according to my therapist...he thought it was bullshit. To quote him, "Just because you pronounceate(arg I can't spell that damn word that well..where is the dictionary I had..)and use proper grammar? Heh, I have to agree with him. But those who know about my childhood know why i am that way: my mom is a grammar nazi. This woman makes Hitler look like a frickin telletubby when it comes to the Humanites. Anyway! So yeah, we joked about that some and then I forced the guy who was lusting after ashley to sit on my other side, a reverse oreo if ya will. BTW, when I got there, I had a fuckoff large amount of candy with give to the benchies. Everyone was happy. I had no candy, and they were baptised with it..not literally but..
it was fun. I was sad that I had to leave so soon(therapist appt.). Nico hugged my leg(it was so cute!) and everyone said bye.
At therapy, I talked about the whole Bethany thing and why I tried to kill myself the first time. I had it so consice that I gave him a fucking annual calender..
Next week we start on the paperwork for disability services, then for SSI. I am happy about that.
Um, got home..fed Pepper who wanted to play and watch movies.. so we did.
Finally went to sleep..which was fricking uncomfortable because Pepper kept moving around so damn much. I think she has finally adapted to her new home. I hope so, because I can't take anymore scratches!
And I have to go..I have more stuffing than a gd turkey